Relationships Are Fun
Relationships Are Fun: What Happened to the Fun?
“The couple that plays together stays
together." "The couple that laughs lasts". (Brainerd 2002,
adapted from other sayings).
In the Romantic Stage of a relationship, there is a lot of
laughter, fun and play. Both people are "on drugs" (See the article on
of Romantic Relationships) and find great pleasure in just being with each
As the relationship deepens and develops, the drugs wear off and
the Power Struggle or Growth Struggle phase of the relationship begins. During
this period, fun and play become less and less spontaneous and less and less
frequent. The Human Brain responds to safety with playfulness. When there is
anxiety or anger in the relationship, playfulness does not emerge as often.
Therefore we believe it is
important that couples address this phenomenon with their New Brain, the
conscious, intentional brain, and choicefully create times for play and
Laughter and play are an
important part of mental health. A "belly laugh" each day is not an
unreasonable goal. Finding way to create laughter and play is a worthy
challenge. At least each week do something playful, enjoyable, fun, and
recreational with your partner.
A rough rule of thumb for
couples is that approximately half of their leisure time activities should be
couple activities and about half should be separate activities, either alone or
with friends. Both extremes where all leisure time activities "have
to" be with each or when virtually no leisure time activities are with each
other are troublesome.
The Fun Exercise in the
Couple’s Workstation is a rather simple, but very practical and effective way
of creating times together where you are focusing on enjoyment, pleasure, and
fun. Items that actually result in laughter are to be highly desired.
If you are a member of the Couple’s Workstation, when you do the
exercise you will get regular email reminders about mutually agreed upon
fun/play activities to encourage you to integrate them into your life.
Here to Take the Tour of the Couple’s Workstation.
Here to Join the Couple’s
Workstation for a free 1st month.
Playing and having fun is an
important part of mental health and marital health. In the growth phase of a
relationship, things can get pretty heavy and serious. Learning to regularly
take time to enjoy, laugh, play together is essential. Do this exercise early on
in your membership in the Couple’s Workstation, so you can start having
more fun soon.
You also might try
periodically telling each other a joke or a funny story each day or several
times a week. Developing, maintaining and using a sense of humor will take you
far in this relationship journey.
For information on Workshops
and Seminars for couples that help explain the stages of relationships and what
to do in the Power Struggle Stage, Click
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